Memories
by BigFan4242
Summary: Should I really be doing this? Is this right? Well why should I care I don't have point in this world. After a serious accident occurs, Logan decides it's time for him to leave this world and considers his reasons, encountering some memories on the way.
1. Should I Really?

**Title: Memories**

**Author: The one the only *trumpet plays* Bigfan4242!**

**Pairing(s): Logan/Carlos**

**Ratings: PG-13?**

**Summary: Logan knows it, everyone does. Ever since the accident nothings gone right. He's a fucking mess right now and he knows it's time for him to go. When Logan decides it's his time to leave this world he considers his reasons, while encountering some painful and yet also joyous memories**

** Warning(s): I don't really know any…. For now. Language I guess? **

**Disclaimer- All fiction blah, Not my original characters blah, Storyline and OCs of this fic mine blah. **

**Author's Note: Nothing much :) Just thanks for reading ;)**

**Mood: Strange, and not a good strange. A weird strange.**

**Listening to- Over You- Daughtry**

**Well this was originally going to be a Oneshot, but I kinda want to make it a chapter story, I dunno :P Well anywho I felt really weird last night. Like a bad weird that made me a little depressed, I don't know what. I thought over things and I decided to just write this fic :)**** I hope you enjoy!**

I trudged my way to the bathroom, angry, frustrated, and depressed. I looked at myself through our medicine/mirror cabinet. I looked at myself. I was a mess. I haven't bathed in days, my eyes were red and had horrible bag under them because of all my crying, and I just didn't have that same look of joy anymore. I was ugly, and I was feeling horrible. I had no point in this damn world anymore. I sighed slowly reaching out for some pills. Should I really be doing this? I thought over to myself looking at them. Do I WANT to do this? I sighed leaning on the bright green wall thinking over some things.

"Come on Logan!" Carlos yelled running across the pool. I laughed following him. Carlos always knew how to have fun, and each time he always dragged me along with him. I always agreed to whatever antic Carlos wanted to do, never regretting my choice. Which was what I liked about Carlos. He always made life so… _fun_. He glanced at me with his deep chocolate colored eyes as he began to laugh.

"Ok, so you promise you'll jump this time?" he said trying not to laugh so much. Not being able to laughing was almost impossible to Carlos, especially since he was always so happy and cheery. I nodded as he pointed to James and Kendall. They were talking to each other while sun bathing, as usual.

"Ok then." I yelled back as I felt him grab my hand. I felt myself body twitch with excitement as he began to hold my hand.

"I'm making sure your jumping." he laughed as we looked over the pool, "On 3 ok?" he ordered as I nodded, "Ok 1... 2... 3!" he screamed pushing us in the pool. I felt his hand still clutching mine as a huge wave crashed and hit Kendall and James. We both bobbed our heads to the surface to see their reaction.

"That was awesome Logan!" Carlos laughed giving me a high five. We both turned to Kendall and James who were furiously glaring at us.

"Not funny guys!" James screamed getting up. He grabbed 2 towels, one for him and one for Kendall. He threw a bright green one to Kendall before wiping himself off. Carlos just laughed splashing James slightly just to tick him off.

I sighed still clutching the pills in my hand remembering those good memories, before the bad memories began to invade me mind.

**Hmm… thoughts? Comments? Concerns? Review please :)**

**TO BE CONTINUED…………………**


	2. Arguements

**Title: Memories**

**Author: The one the only *trumpet plays* Bigfan4242!**

**Pairing(s): Logan/Carlos, Ah Cargany goodness**

**Ratings: PG-13?**

**Summary: Logan knows it, everyone does. Ever since the accident nothings gone right. He's a fucking mess right now and he knows it's time for him to go. When Logan decides it's his time to leave this world he considers his reasons, while encountering some painful and yet also joyous memories**

**Warning(s): I don't really know any…. For now. Language I guess? **

**Disclaimer- All fiction blah, Not my original characters blah, Storyline and OCs of this fic mine blah. **

**Author's Note: Nothing much :) Just thanks for reading ;)**

**Mood: A little angry and frustrated but happy.**

**Listening to- Send Me All Your Angels- Kris Allen**

**Well the past couple of hours I've been the little nerd I am and have been doing homework and now I have this pounding headache. Grr, anyways I decided to take a break and update this fic, though I doubt it's going to help my headache. Oh well, I hope you enjoy.**

I sighed clutching the pills closer to me as the bad memories began to invade my mind. I felt myself tremble as I slid down to the floor crying.

_"Logan are you ashamed or something?!" Carlos yelled shoving me to the wall. Hot, steamy, tears ran down his cheeks as I rubbed my head._

_"I'm not ashamed!" I argued back pushing him slightly, "Why would you think that?!"_

_"Then why won't you tell anyone?! Your parents? Ms. Knight? James? Kendall? We're the only ones who know Logan! Why won't you fucking tell anyone?!" he continued to yell as he wiped his eyes with his sleeve. Everything was going out great until he started going nuts._

_"Well what about the band damnit. Carlos what about Big Time Rush? What will our fans think?! I'm only thinking about us." I soon regretted my words after seeing his angry look turn to a look of anger, frustration, and disappointment._

_"Damnit you don't understand." he mumbled, "You think your thinking about the band? Then you don't fucking understand."_

_"Understand what? Your part of this band! I'm caring for all of us." _

_"Ok genius boy what about how I'd feel about this? Secretly loving you in front of everyone as millions of groupie girls rubbed their damn bodies against you? What am I going to do? Hide in the fucking shadow of that?" _

_"You have fans too."_

_"Yeah, but I'd stay loyal to you. Will you stay loyal to me?" he snapped as I turned back, repulsed by his words._

_"Are you saying I'm not going to be loyal to you? That I'm a damn whore who'll leave the person they love the most?"_

_"No, but who knows Logan?! Who the fuck knows if you'll be stay with me? I don't know. You seem to be ashamed to tell anyone your gay, so quite frankly I'm unsure if you'll stay with me."_

_"So you don't trust me" I growled, "You don't trust me?"_

_"I guess I don't." he replied softly, "I don't."_

_"You know what?" I began to yell grabbing a chair sitting right next to his bedside, "Tell me, tell me what the fuck you want from me and I'll see what I can do." he sighed putting a hand to my shoulder. I shoved it off a bit as he gave me a weary smile._

_"Logan I'm going to die soon."_

_"No your not."_

_"Ok, but I just don't want to keep it a secret anymore, please." he pleaded as I looked at his teary, pleading, chocolate colored eyes. They were filled with remorse and sadness, "The fact people can't see how much we love each other, that feeling is just so plain fucking horrible. I want to at least tell someone, please."_

_"Then why don't you tell someone?" I snapped back._

_"Because, we're a couple." he grabbed my hand stroking it softly, "So that means we both decide on what to do."_

_"Well what if I don't know." I tell him, "What if I haven't made a decision. What if I haven't been thinking about this?"_

_"Well then." he says sighing as I let my hand out of his grip. He gives me a disappointed look as he glances to the door, "Well then Logan I think you should go. Now." he tells me as I give him an appalled look shocked by his words, then shrugging it off giving him a faux, happy grin._

_"I'll be happy to."_

I felt myself tear up even more as I threw the only thing in my reach to the floor. It crashed making a loud shattering noise as it burst to a million pieces, just like my heart that day. But I didn't care. I continued to cry looking at the ocean of broken yellow glass and minty green pills.

"W-why didn't I j-just tell someone?!" I began to whisper loudly like an insane person, "W-why did you have to leave me?! W-why couldn't you stay?" I began to scream this time pounding on the wall, "Why? W-why couldn't we together l-longer, why? Why?!"

**To Be Continued…**


	3. Forever In My Arms

**Title: Memories**

**Author: The one the only *trumpet plays* Bigfan4242!**

**Pairing(s): Logan/Carlos, Ah Cargany goodness**

**Ratings: PG-13?**

**Summary: Logan knows it, everyone does. Ever since the accident nothings gone right. He's a fucking mess right now and he knows it's time for him to go. When Logan decides it's his time to leave this world he considers his reasons, while encountering some painful and yet also joyous memories**

**Warning(s): I don't really know any…. For now. Language I guess? **

**Disclaimer- All fiction blah, Not my original characters blah, Storyline and OCs of this fic mine blah. **

**Author's Note: Nothing much :) Just thanks for reading ;)**

**Mood: A little frustrated but happy :)**

**Listening to- Delicate-Damien Rice (again, ah I love this song!)**

**Well I had no homework or tests today so I was like what the heck? Why don't I update a fic. I hope you enjoy this chapter, since the I'm EXTREMELY excited for the next one ;)**

I sighed folding my arms embracing myself. I loathed this feeling of guilt, sadness, self pity, and emptiness. I always wondered why people you loved had to go leave your life. It just didn't seem, right. They didn't do anything wrong and yet, they had to go. I sighed feeling the tears come up my eyes as I looked at the mess I made earlier. What if I slipped on one of those darn pieces and died. I though over to myself, what if I just stepped on those pieces barefoot making me suffer for hours.

"Look what you did to me." I growled angrily, "What was your reason for leaving me?! You wanted to be with me! You even told me! You'd promised you never leave darn it! You promised!" I yelled as I began to sobbing.

_I smiled stuffing my hands into my pockets. Almost every day I've visited Carlos in the hospital. He was getting better luckily, which made me happier everyday to hear. Maybe he'd be home soon, maybe. I sent happy smiles to all the usual faces of the doctors and nurses working here._

"_Hi Logan." a blonde nurse spoke to me. I thought over it a bit and finally concluded her name was Alexis. I waved back at her walking into Carlos's room._

"_Hi." Carlos grinned at me, "You're here, as usual."_

"_Of course, what do you want to do today?" I asked he let out a silent chuckle._

"_I don't know… something?"_

"_What's something?" I asked again as he laughing pushing my shoulder slightly._

"_Is Kendall and James here?" he asked as I sat on his bed next to him._

"_Not of I know of." I replied, "I think they're still at home, playing video games or something probably."_

"_M'kay." he said licking his lips; he glanced at me as I tried reaching over for the remote. He pushed my hand slightly._

"_What was that for?" I snapped a little angry as he just flashed me the usual one million dollar Carlos Garcia smile. The one that made millions of fan girls swoon, and me. He started leaning closer to me as an unknown force pulled my lips towards his sending us both into a kiss. I let got quickly looking into his deep brown eyes._

"_Was that too fast?" he mumbled blushing slightly. I laughed a bit._

"_So that's what you meant by something. Huh?" I joked as he laughed._

"_Sure, let's go with that." he said as I pressed me lips on his again wrapping my arms around him. He slipped tongue into our kiss as I moaned softly._

"_You do love me, right?" I whispered._

"_Yeah."_

"_Really?"_

"_Logan, yes. More than any number you can calculate. Yes." I laughed letting his kiss me once more before he wrapped his arms around me._

"_Never get go." I told him, "This is just too perfect."_

"_But you have to go someday. How will you go to the bathroom?"_

"_I have an idea." I grinned and he began to laugh._

"_You're sick." Carlos smiled punching me lightly. I smiled lying in his arms holding them tighter._

"_Just don't leave me, ok?"_

"_Ok." he replied kissing my forehead._

"_Not just ok." I whined, "You promise?" he laughed as he tried to sit straight up. He let go of me as he put his right hand to his heart._

"_Ok, I Carlos Garcia swear to never, ever leave you Logan Mitchell. Never, ever, EVER. No matter what girl or boy wants to be with me."_

"_Even all 3 Jennifers?" I joked._

"_Even all 3 Jennifers." he replied holding me in his arms again kissing my cheek. I smilled kissing him on his cheeks._

"_Ok, it's a promise."_

"Well I guess you couldn't keep that promise." I whispered to myself beginning to cry even more. I sighed getting up trying to keep away from the dangers of the glass and pills. I looked over to his bed as I sat on it grabbing a pillow smelling Carlos's wonderful smell.

"You use to sleep here." I whispered weeping even more, "We BOTH use to sleep here."

**LOL I think now you see why I'm excited for the next chapter ;) I hope you enjoyed!**

**TO BE CONTINUED......**


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